Like the surf of the sea

Its been a little while since I've written anything, so today is Olivia's thoughts for the day =)

I had a little period of doubting! A couple of weeks ago, my chiropractor sent me the link of one of his clients who is also adopting. Turns out they are using the same agency as us, but they are adopting from Taiwan. I have been soo at peace about everything, that this threw a wrench in it. Then my wonderful dad told me he interviewed someone (for an adoption psych exam) who was adopting from Honduras, which was previously not open to adoptions. Now I'm thinking, oh no, are we doing the right thing? If you read my first post, we originally planned on international adoption, but God had a different plan for us! So of course I started doubting and became filled with anxiety. Thankfully, God uses scripture to gently remind me to stop it!!"But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind" James 1:6 I was so glad for this reminder! I was filled with peace knowing that we ARE following Gods plan in pursuing domestic adoption!

Now I feel more like this!

• A lot of people are asking where we are with the process. Well, the best thing I can say about adoption is that it is alot of hurry up and wait. We are still in the homestudy process, so we are just waiting for all of our paperwork to go through. We have a homevisit with a social worker on July 28th! I think thats pretty much the next big thing. Our eduction hours are due before the homestudy can be approved, so I've been reading reading reading! Its funny how when you are reading because you dont have to, its so easy, but now that theres a deadline, I am nervous about getting it all done! But I know it will all work out. Once our homestudy is approved, we will be able to have our portfolio shown to birth mothers. Whew! I ran into a wonderful lady, Janine, who is a hero in my eyes. She is an adoption liason and works with an adoption attorney, and I first met her when a patient of mine was giving up her baby for adoption. Janine was there for the delivery and the whole process, and she was such a special part of that day. We saw each other yesterday while I was at work, and it was such a breath of fresh air and encouragement in our process! I think adoption forms a special bond between people who have been touched by it.

I have been thinking more lately about the sweet baby that will someday be ours. I've been so caught up in the process that I havent spent alot of time thinking about that fact that we will have a beautiful little person in our home in the not so distant future! Now I'm getting the fever! Everytime I see a baby or toddler, I think, I wonder if our child will look like that? I think sometimes domestic adoption is harder because there are more unknowns! What I mean is, if we were adopting from China for example, we know that it would most likely be a little girl, and would be Asian. With domestic adoption, our child could be a black, white, biracial, hispanic or anything really! For someone who is very Type A, this is teaching me alot of patience. It is kind of exciting though, not knowing. Its almost like a pregnancy, except hopefully people who are pregnant know what race their child will be lol. (I once had a patient ask me to go to the nursery and see if her baby looked black or white, since she didnt know who the father was. true story!)

Lastly I have been thankful alot lately. I am reading a book called adopting after infertility, and the beginning part of the book is about really dealing with the loss of infertility before taking the next step toward adoption.It talks alot about women (and men) who have spent years going through fertility treatment and have deep bouts of depression. They struggle everytime they see a pregnant woman, and cant attend kid birthdays or showers. I will admit, when we found out about the infertility, I had a couple of weeks that were pretty dark. I remember sobbing when I found out a friend was pregnant, thinking it was so unfair. I could barely go to work and deal with pregnant people who were 20 years old and on their fourth baby. THANKFULLY, God quickly brought me out of that!! Ever since we made the decision to adopt, I have been filled with peace! There are times when I wonder what it would be like to be pregnant and have a twinge of wistfulness, but mostly I think about the fact that I will be a mommy!! I am thankful that I haven't had to deal with severe depression or years of treatment. Of course we could have gone that route, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with people who choose to pursue treatmet, but it was just not for us. It just never ceases to amaze how following what GOD wants instead of what WE want makes life easier! I turn 26 next week and I am thinking that this will be my last birthday not being a mother, wow!

Thanks for following! Olivias thoughts for the day are now concluded ;)