Homestudy visit today!

We had our homestudy visit today! Being my over-anxious self, I was nervous and didn't know what to expect. I cleaned everything in our house that could possibly need cleaning, bought a new area rug (that I am in love with!) and repainted our windowsill. Bailey always jumps up on it so some of the paint was chipping off. It felt like Christmas was coming and everything had to be in order! Well of course, as my Aunt Sue predicted on facebook, it was a Breeze!! I had a dream last night about it. The social worker showed up intoxicated, didn't ask us any real questions, and the left with a wine bottle in her hand! We were like wait, don't you want to know anything about us?  I don't know why I dreamed that, but its pretty funny.

The social worker was wonderful! She was about the same age as Dan and I, which was nice because were able to relate really well to her. There were 3 parts to the visit. 1) Joint interview, 2) separate interviews, and 3) house tour.  We did the visit in this order. She asked us pretty normal questions, how we met, why we chose adoption, etc. It was very conversational. I learned that my husband is much better at interviews then I am! If any of you know me, you know that I just love to talk and talk.  Well its alot harder when someone is interviewing you! I felt saw awkward answering why I felt like I would be a good mother, how I would describe myself, etc. This is the separate interview. It wasn't a secret, she just wanted us to be in different rooms. I did pretty well until she started asking about my relationship with my parents, especially my mother. It was painful to talk about how I was raised and the questions that went along with that. But it is a part of my history and has influenced who I am today. Our SW (social worker) was very compassionate and understanding, and frankly impressed that I turned out as well as I did. I owe thanks for that to my heavenly Father who has given me such a wonderful earthly father. I am grateful for him every day!

Dan did great job, and I was so proud to hear him speak so eloquently and be so personable. I remarked as much to him afterward, and he said, "Well, I just talked to people like I've known them forever!" I thought that was a great perspective to have! It is so special to be going through this process together, it makes me so grateful to have such an amazing husband. He puts up with alot from me, and he is very patient. It was neat to be able to talk to the SW about how we complement eachother, what makes our marriage strong.. Most people don't really talk about those things on a regular basis, but discussing it made me very thankful for the marriage we have. I really believe that God chose us for eachother. Even though I am not very into music and guitar, and Dan isn't into dance, we do have alot of common interests and are very compatible. And I am very attracted to my husband! Being married for 5 years has brought us much closer together. We've been through alot, and adoption is a very special journey!

The last step was walking through the house, making sure we have smoke detectors, how many bathrooms and bedrooms we have, etc. It took all of 5 minutes. I was imagining her checking the baseboards for dirt, but it really was nothing like that!

This last picture is the guest room that we will turn into a nursery! yay!!

So whats next? We have one more meeting in August to review the homestudy report. Once that is completed, we will be ready for adoption!! We are going to start working on our portfolio now, so that when we are approved they can immediately show it to people. She suggested making and printing an online album for several reasons. Its easier to make copies and it looks more professional. Too bad because I was looking for an excuse to scrapbook! The reason they recommend copies is so that you can show them to multiple birth mothers, and sometimes you do not get the book back. And its also nice to have a copy to keep and show to your children.

I am just so excited and ready! I was surprised by one thing. We have been reading books and preparing for a transracial adoption, but our SW told us that in South Carolina, most of the birthmothers are caucasian. The reason is because most of the time in African American families, an extended family member will come in and take care of the baby, an aunt or grandparent. This makes perfect sense. Because we are open to any race, we simply assumed we would adopt a black, hispanic or biracial child. This may not necessarily be the case. We are ok with any child! We just want to be parents and provide a loving home to a beautiful little baby!



I also wanted to say that I had a very sweet surprise visit this past Saturday from two of my best friends from high school. They were vacationing in SC and came down to visit us for the day, Christine and Andrew. They are very special to us and it was soo wonderful to see them!!!

Thank you for all your continued prayers and support! Thanks for following!

thank goodness!!

Our fingerprints passed! Whew! I was concerned about having to go back and get refingerprinted. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, read my post titled "fingerprints." We are almost done with the homestudy process, I cant believe this is all really happening. Some days, like today, I yearn so deeply for a child, I am humbled and thankful that things are moving in the direction for this to actually happen. I cant wait to be a mommy. We have a great life but there is definitely something missing! Our social work visit is NEXT WEEK! I'm nervous but excited at the same time. We had to take an online parenting assessment, and I completed mine today. It was kind of hard to do because alot of the questions had to do with how we were raised and experiences growing up. This was difficult to me, because as I have some very happy childhood memories, I also have some very painful ones. The assessment was a good reminder for the future of our children, and certain values and ways of communicating that we may or may not want to pass on as we become parents. I am grateful that I can clearly see my childhood and have learned from certain parent's mistakes. I am also grateful for the healthy side of the parenting I received, and that I was raised in a godly home, despite the hard times. Thats it for today!

Thanks for following!

Like the surf of the sea

Its been a little while since I've written anything, so today is Olivia's thoughts for the day =)

I had a little period of doubting! A couple of weeks ago, my chiropractor sent me the link of one of his clients who is also adopting. Turns out they are using the same agency as us, but they are adopting from Taiwan. I have been soo at peace about everything, that this threw a wrench in it. Then my wonderful dad told me he interviewed someone (for an adoption psych exam) who was adopting from Honduras, which was previously not open to adoptions. Now I'm thinking, oh no, are we doing the right thing? If you read my first post, we originally planned on international adoption, but God had a different plan for us! So of course I started doubting and became filled with anxiety. Thankfully, God uses scripture to gently remind me to stop it!!"But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind" James 1:6 I was so glad for this reminder! I was filled with peace knowing that we ARE following Gods plan in pursuing domestic adoption!

Now I feel more like this!

• A lot of people are asking where we are with the process. Well, the best thing I can say about adoption is that it is alot of hurry up and wait. We are still in the homestudy process, so we are just waiting for all of our paperwork to go through. We have a homevisit with a social worker on July 28th! I think thats pretty much the next big thing. Our eduction hours are due before the homestudy can be approved, so I've been reading reading reading! Its funny how when you are reading because you dont have to, its so easy, but now that theres a deadline, I am nervous about getting it all done! But I know it will all work out. Once our homestudy is approved, we will be able to have our portfolio shown to birth mothers. Whew! I ran into a wonderful lady, Janine, who is a hero in my eyes. She is an adoption liason and works with an adoption attorney, and I first met her when a patient of mine was giving up her baby for adoption. Janine was there for the delivery and the whole process, and she was such a special part of that day. We saw each other yesterday while I was at work, and it was such a breath of fresh air and encouragement in our process! I think adoption forms a special bond between people who have been touched by it.

I have been thinking more lately about the sweet baby that will someday be ours. I've been so caught up in the process that I havent spent alot of time thinking about that fact that we will have a beautiful little person in our home in the not so distant future! Now I'm getting the fever! Everytime I see a baby or toddler, I think, I wonder if our child will look like that? I think sometimes domestic adoption is harder because there are more unknowns! What I mean is, if we were adopting from China for example, we know that it would most likely be a little girl, and would be Asian. With domestic adoption, our child could be a black, white, biracial, hispanic or anything really! For someone who is very Type A, this is teaching me alot of patience. It is kind of exciting though, not knowing. Its almost like a pregnancy, except hopefully people who are pregnant know what race their child will be lol. (I once had a patient ask me to go to the nursery and see if her baby looked black or white, since she didnt know who the father was. true story!)

Lastly I have been thankful alot lately. I am reading a book called adopting after infertility, and the beginning part of the book is about really dealing with the loss of infertility before taking the next step toward adoption.It talks alot about women (and men) who have spent years going through fertility treatment and have deep bouts of depression. They struggle everytime they see a pregnant woman, and cant attend kid birthdays or showers. I will admit, when we found out about the infertility, I had a couple of weeks that were pretty dark. I remember sobbing when I found out a friend was pregnant, thinking it was so unfair. I could barely go to work and deal with pregnant people who were 20 years old and on their fourth baby. THANKFULLY, God quickly brought me out of that!! Ever since we made the decision to adopt, I have been filled with peace! There are times when I wonder what it would be like to be pregnant and have a twinge of wistfulness, but mostly I think about the fact that I will be a mommy!! I am thankful that I haven't had to deal with severe depression or years of treatment. Of course we could have gone that route, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with people who choose to pursue treatmet, but it was just not for us. It just never ceases to amaze how following what GOD wants instead of what WE want makes life easier! I turn 26 next week and I am thinking that this will be my last birthday not being a mother, wow!

Thanks for following! Olivias thoughts for the day are now concluded ;)

"I'm Chocolate, You're Vanilla"

Four our homestudy, we are required to read a certain amount of books, webinars, etc. We can choose which books we read, but our agency gives us a list of suggested books.

Since we are open to a child of any race, we picked this as one of our books on transracial adoption. I have been reading it ALL DAY!!! It is written by a black female psychologist who works with families and children. This book is helpful for anyone, regardless of you or your childrens' race or color.

I cant help but be reminded of the continual references to "faith like a child" throughout scripture. Pre-schoolers break down the barriers of race because they see things simply as they are, without the racial connotations and prejudices that many adults view the world through.

For example, the author interviewed a group of 3-year-olds as part of research for this book. She showed them pictures of children of various races and asked them to pick the person that looked the most like them. An excerpt from the book is as follows:

 "The answers of three-year-olds will leave you amazed at how irrelevent skin color and race are to their self-concepts. When I tried the photo task with Tasha, for example, she said the girl in the photo she picked looked like her, 'Cause I'd like to play with her," and Belinda explained her choice with the words, 'Cause she's nice.' Few three-year-olds wil give an appropriate skin-color label for the photo of the child they looks most like themselves."

"Moreover, childen who do hve an awareness of their skin color describe it with their own distinctive words, such as chocolate, vanilla, or peach, which relate to their experience with food rather then racial categories."

The author goes on to discover when children are very aware of race, they are usually influenced by someone close to them. She states that preschoolers are disinterested in categorizing people by racial groups, but rather whether they are  "nice" or "mean" or "fun to play with." Wow! If only we could erase the influences we have had throughout our lives to view the world and each other through the eyes of a pre-schooler.

"For God sees not as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7

No matter who you are reading this blog, I would recommend reading this book. It is inexpensive, I downloaded it onto my Kindle for $7. It is very informative and educational about the racism and predjuices in our country and what WE can to to change it as we raise our children.

Fingerprints

So Dan and I went to get fingerprinted today. The reason is so they can run your fingerprints through the FBI database and make sure you aren't flagged in the system. We thought, well since neither of us have a criminal record, should be no problem right? Wrong! Apparently, I don't have fingerprints. No seriously, I don't. The lady doing our prints said between 2-5% of the population have poorly defined ridges that make their prints unidentifiable! How random is that?

We went to Orlando this past Christmas and I locked my purse in an electronic locker opened by fingerprint recognition. Well, after the ride was over I went to get my purse and the locker refused to open saying it could not recognize my print. We had to get an attendant to open it. I thought that was the strangest thing. Well, now I know why!

It took about 20 minutes to capture my prints, and it took Dan about 20 seconds. She said I still might run into problems when the prints go to the FBI, but hopefully they will be able to read them and I won't have to go back again!

Moral of the story, I could have gotten away with being a career criminal! Oh well, I guess I will just stick with nursing :)