I said I wouldn't do this but...

I just felt like I had to conclude my post from last week. Alas, our portfolios STILL haven't arrived (what is the deal UPS) and the birthmother was shown two portfolios this morning and chose one of them.

Sigh. My initial reaction was sadness,then I immediately realized something. This was not meant to be our baby. There a reason our portfolios haven't arrived yet and there were not shown today. The couple that was chosen has probably waited alot longer than we have, and God meant for that baby to go with that family.

"My ways are not your ways!" God keeps reminding me of this and I am realizing more and mor how out of my hands this whole situation is. The other day I started looking at nursery ideas at projectnursery.com and just got SO excited. If we got a call tomorrow saying there was a baby for us, I would be overjoyed. But the realty is that we will probably be waiting a while and that is ok to.

Since I entered the blogging world I have realized just how many people go through infertility issues. I even remember when we first went to the fertility center to get testing done, and I looked around the waiting room and saw that it was completely packed with people just like us, wanting to be parents. Why does this happen to so many good, "well deserving" people? Well, this side of heaven, we probably won't know. But what I do know is that no one us deserve the immense blessings we have received (count em, seriously!) and that we don't deserve someone who would die in our place but we have a Savior who did that, free of charge, expecting nothing in return but only because of His great love for us. I know that not everyone reading this blog believes in Jesus but I can't help but talk about Him because of what he's done for me. He is real and he loves you just as much as he loves me, whether you believe it or not :)

One more thing i have learned about since entering the blogging world is embryo adoption. I had no idea how common and even popular this is. At first I thought the idea was kind of strange (carrying a pregnancy donor embryos and "adopting" them) but I now think it is kind of neat. Similarly to donor eggs, you can choose what type of biological parents you want your embryo to come from. For example, I could choose to become pregnant with an embryo from Chinese parents, which is cool! I would deliver a Chinese baby, how strange but kind of neat is that? I don't know if we would ever do this. It's a risk(like any adoption) in that the embryos may not tAke or you can miscarry. It's a neat idea though. I personally (and please don't be offended) feel called to adopt a child or newbor that is in need of a home at this time. I think if I really wAnted to experience a pregnancy, I would look a little closer. But really I just want to be a mama and it does not matter as much if the baby comes from my belly.

Well now I am rambling, and need to go to bed so i can take care of all of my crazy interesting laboring patients in the morning. :)

<3 Olivia