Most of you know our adoption story, but I will give you a little bit of background if you aren't familiar with it. I have two siblings who were adopted internationally when I was in high school. During this time the Lord put the desire for adoption on my heart. Dan and I talked about adopting, even before we got married. When we faced infertility, we knew God wanted us to adopt. I always thought I would adopt a little boy or girl from Asia. Little did I know God had other plans and a few months after we said yes to adoption, we found ourselves saying yes to a beautiful brown eyed, brown skinned little baby girl who was about to be born.
When we filled out our adoption questionnaire, we said yes to any race or gender, but "no" to special needs. As we hadn't had any children yet, we did not feel equipped to take care of a special needs child. As Mia went through developmental stages, it became obvious that she was significantly delayed. We sought OT for her physical delays and enrolled her in BabyNet. Other than being behind in speech and physical milestones, she was a pretty happy baby/toddler. About the age of 2 1/2, she started having some behavioral issues. Mia also had trouble sleeping, and would be awake for hours and hours in the middle of the night. At the same time, I was pregnant with Micah. After Micah was born, Mia had extreme behavioral issues and we didn't know what was wrong with her. She was 3 and still had only a couple of words. We realized she was frustrated because she couldn't express herself and acted out physically and behaviorally.(Plus she wasn't sleeping well, which will make anyone crazy!) My dad encouraged us to seek professional help, and we were able to get her in to Developmental Peds at MUSC. A godsend of an OT took one look at Mia and her behavior and asked me "Have you ever heard of sensory processing disorder?" I vaguely remembered hearing about it, but wasn't too familiar. She recommended the book "The Out of Sync Child" and our worlds turned upside down. I finally understood my daughter. This book described Mia to a T. She has a mixed form of SPD, where she is hyposensitive in some regards (no regard for body space, always sitting on top of us, craving physical touch) and hypersensitive in others (overwhelmed and shutting down in overstimulating situations such as birthday parties). This was almost exactly three years ago and she has improved tremendously, and our ability to understand and parent her has greatly improved as well. Instead of yelling at her for accidently kneeing me in the chin (poor body control and awareness) I can tell her to be careful of where her arms and legs are.
She is doing SO much better and is a different kid from 3 years ago, but some days are still extremely trying and painful. Mia is very behind in school and I worry about her future. She has difficulty making and maintaining friendships because other kids don't understand her and it is hard for her to relate socially. This morning Pastor Josh Walters gave an incredibly sermon on grief. If you have experience grief of any kind in your life, I would encourage you to go to Seacoast Church online and listen to this sermon. Grief can come in many forms, and it can be something like the loss of a goal or dream. With Mia, I grieve for all of the odds she has against her and knowing she will struggle to do all of the things that come so easily to other kids. We went to a birthday party two weekends ago and Mia was so excited she talked about it all week. When we got there, she froze and hid behind me, refusing to participate in any of the activities. My heart broke a little knowing how hard it must have been for her. The other night we had another situation and after Dan and I talked, I started sobbing. I realized it was grief. The message this morning talked about the importance of going through the grief stages and being able to talk about them. Dan and I talked that night and I asked him, "Why us? Why did God choose us for this difficult job? I don't feel equipped." I am slowly learning that I don't have to equipped, because Jesus will fight for me. He desperately loves and adores Mia and He will give me the tools to love and parent Mia the way she needs. I will daily run to the cross and trust in HIS strength, not mine.
It is funny how God knows our hearts and speaks to us through situations and other people. This weekend Dan has been out of town and I was a little bit nervous to have the kids by myself all weekend because Mia doesn't listen as well to me. We have had the most amazing weekend and the kids have been an absolute delight. I have been intentional on spending time with Mia and she has just flourished and blossomed. Then the craziest thing happened yesterday. We went to lunch with some friends with work and Mia took a piece of chicken off of someone's plate. She lacks impulse control (part of her SPD) and makes poor decisions sometimes. She apologized but I was embarrassed and frustrated. We talked about it and she truly showed remorse. After lunch we went to Marshalls/Homegoods and I was looking in the clothing section. A lady who was also browsing turned to me and said "I have heard the way you are interacting with your kids and you are doing a really good job. It's not easy, but you are a great mom." I almost started crying. I realized later she actually worked there, but y'all, I'm pretty sure she was an angel. I felt such a peace after she spoke to me.
Some days I feel overwhelmed and frustrated, but I know Jesus has called us to love this little girl, fight for her, believe in her, and advocate for her when no one else will. There is a song our church has been doing lately called So Will I, and one of the last lines of the song is "He's the One who never leaves the one behind." I get goose bumps every time I hear it. As a church, we are called to fight for the least of these. If you know someone who is raising a special needs child, encourage them, support them. Ask what you can do to help them. We have an incredible small group who loves our family so well, and we are so grateful for them. They are patient, kind, forgiving and nonjudgmental, everything the church should be. I mean, how could you not love this little face?
