You Make All Things New

I was at work yesterday. We had a great day for labor and delivery-a few nice deliveries but nothing too crazy. I love my co-workers and it was great to be able to see them for more then a few seconds at time. We actually got to sit down and eat lunch together! (A small miracle in of itself.) And all of the patients I had yesterday were very sweet,which can also be a breath of fresh air!

Despite this wonderful workday, my heart got the best of me. I started to feel very anxious and overwhelmed. My parents are going through a messy custody battle and the whole process is just awful. Between that and entering this new phase of the adoption process, I just needed to calm down, so I called Dan from work. He really didnt know what to say except to encourage me. I have felt frustrated because with anything in my life, if I wanted something, I worked hard and got it. With adoption, it is completely out of my hands! I'm thinking that maybe God wants me to trust him a little more.

Well I got home a few hours later, and there, sitting on the kitchen table was a beautiful bouquet of flowers carefully arranged by my thoughtful husband. I almost started crying!

It was such a gentle reminder from the Lord. I felt Him telling me. "My child, dont you know? I make all things new! I will wipe out the past and make things as white as snow. I am in control, you are not. Know that I love you and have not forgotten you or your family! Place your trust in me."

On Sunday at church we watched a video from Francis Chan (who we love!) and he said, (paraphrased) Who are WE to question God? In Isaiah, God refers to us as clay and He is the potter. Does the clay go around questioning the potter? God knows more than we do! He SEES the end picture, the picture we may not see this side of heaven. This video was challenging and also encouraging! http://www.francischan.org/ and click on "Erasing Hell, Francis Chan's thoughts behind his new book." Its a really cool video!

Our adoption profile is going on the agency's website this week, so that is exciting! Our portfolio is approved and we are getting it printed and sent to the agency also this week. So now our hope will rise as we wait upon the Lord.

Officially "waiting"

Today we drove to Greenville to finalize our homestudy. We didnt really know what to expect other than reviewing our homestudy report. We left Charleston early to have lunch with the Beidlers, a family from our old church who moved upstate a couple of years ago. Their house was beautiful and the company was even better!

The first thing that they told us when we got there was that they had not had a chance to look over our portfolio yet. I was a little bit frustrated hearing this because I worked really hard on it and sent it to them almost a month ago. They are in transition and our social worker is taking over the domestic adoption program so I understand that our homestudy was happening during the transition, but it was a little disappointing to know the portfolio wasnt reviewed yet. Oh well!  We met in a conference room and had to privately read through the homestudy report to make sure everything was accurate. I have to say I was really impressed with how much work they put into writing it! It was probably 7 pages long and very detailed. Its a little strange seeing your whole life written out as a document for the court system, but thats how those things go! At the end we just signed our agreement and were done with the "visit."

I was a little concerned to find out just how small their domestic adoption program was. She told us that they only had 3 matches this year, which to me does not seem like very many.  They are trying to expand the program, but it seems that we just coming in at the beginning stages of that. I don't really know what I expected, I guess I just thought she would say, "I already know of a birth mother who is interested!" or something like that. I know that is totally unrealistic, but the reality of how long we may have to wait is starting to sink in. She discussed with us how we will have to update our homestudy in a year if we still aren't matched. Who knows,we may get a call in a month or two, but we need to prepare ourselves for a long wait. I started getting sad in the car ride home, and Dan could sense my frustration. He asked what I was thinking about, and I told him I did not care about money or buying a new car or house, I would happily drive the Taurus around till it bit the dust if it meant carrying a precious baby in the back seat. Dan told me that it is in Gods hands and not to worry but to enjoy where we are at because Gods timing is His timing, and its not up to us. I  am so glad that God gave me a husband who does not worry and just rests in Gods will, he is such an encouragment to me! We spent the rest of the car trip being silly and laughing, and I eventually fell asleep=).

When we got home this evening I went to scripture and looked for a  passage on peace. God must seriously shake his head at us sometimes at our impatience and lack of trust! It is so wonderful the way He speaks to our hearts through scripture and knows what we need before we even ask for it! I couldnt help but share this verse, it was such an encouragement as well as a reality check!

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving make your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7

The Word of God is so true and perfect, I am ashamed that I let my mind worry instead of turning to scripture first. Pray that God will continue to give me that peace and comfort that He knows that desires of our hearts and already has a plan in place. My heart definitely needs guarded, and trusting in Gods infinite love and compassion is the only way to do that.

On another note, we discussed in the car about how we want to keep our options open in terms of adoption. I originally wanted to go to an agency because it was safer (in terms of not losing my job by adopting from a patient in the hospital, conflict of interest, etc). But I ran into a friend at a wedding this past weekend and she works in labor and delivery in another hospital in the charleston area. I thought, how silly of me to not think of that! As long as the patient does not deliver at my hospital, my job is safe. But there are 4 other hospitals with labor and delivery units in the Charleston area. So while we are waiting to be matched, we will keep open to other opportunities if they come up. This may seem like a plug, but if you live in the charleston area and know of anyone who is struggling with a decision about an unplanned pregnancy, dont hesitate to let them know about us, or give them our name or our lawyers name. you can privately email me(my email is under our profile) Or if you know me, you can just call me! We want everyone to know we are adopting, so spread the word! =) The more people who know, the more things that may come up. We know that God has a very special baby picked out for our family, and it will be exciting to see the road that takes us there! We are also praying for the expectant mother, whoever she may be, that God gives her the same peace I am praying for as she faces some difficult decisions.

Thank you so much for all of our encouragement and kindness, we are happy that you are following along in our adoption adventure. It sure is an adventure!!

<3 Olivia

To Greenville We Go!

Tuesday we are heading to Greenville to finalize our homestudy! Then we will be officially approved to adopt in the US! One step closer =) More details to follow soon!

The longing

My family was in town this week and we had 7 people in our house for the whole week! I wouldn't trade it for anything, people sleeping everywhere! I love having a houseful of people, there is nothing like spending time with family. We even got to travel to my cousin Mike and Jayme's house in Georgia where my Aunt Sue and Uncle John met us. I think I'm still full from all of the food.

This week has only intensified my longing to be a mother. Sometimes it is so strog it almost hurts. I love being around my little siblings and just can't wait till we have our own little ones. Now that we are getting close to our home study being finalized, I am starting to realize we have left to do is wait! I think the waiting is harder than the paperwork. So many doubts keep coming to me, what if it takes forever? What if no one picks us? What if the expectant mother changes her mind? Then I have to remind myself that God has it all planned out, I just need to wait on HIS timing.

I am so thankful that He provided us with scripture to help us on our journeys!

I wait for the Lord , my soul does wait,
And in His word do I hope. (Psalm 130:5 NASB)

So no news, just processing and preparing our hearts for the next few months. I wish it was just easy, but life isn't always what we expect it to be. I am just sooo ready to hold a sweet baby in my arms!

Stay tuned :)

Almost done!

I have spent every single free minute this week working on our portfolio. I have learned a whole new world of dragging and cropping pictures. The copy and paste didnt seem to work for the text sections, so I was re-typing everything each time. Tonight when i was working on it, Dan said,"did you try the hot button for paste?" I said, "there's a hot button for that?" sigh..one of these days I vow to become tech-savvy! My little brother and sister know more about technology than I do! Thankfully, this so-called hot button worked and I no longer had to re-type everything!

I had a sleepless night the other night(unfortunately before a 12 hour shift). I was laying awake thinking about all of the things I wanted to say in the letter to the birthmother. So I grabbed the computer and whipped together a great letter! Dan read over it and edited today. So now our birthmother letter is done and the portfolio is just about done! I am going to send them to the agency tomorrow over email to look over before ordering a photo book. Yay! We are just one step closer!

It's crazy to think that our future will be determined by this one little book. The birth mother will choose us to parent her child based on what we put in the book. Of course, it's ultimately up to God and He already knows! But still, it feels like a lot of pressure and I want the book to be perfect.

In a couple weeks we will travel to Greenville to finalize the home study and then the agency will begin to show our portfolio to expectant mothers. We are also starting to come up with fundraising ideas so we'll keep you posted!

Thanks for following!

Homestudy visit today!

We had our homestudy visit today! Being my over-anxious self, I was nervous and didn't know what to expect. I cleaned everything in our house that could possibly need cleaning, bought a new area rug (that I am in love with!) and repainted our windowsill. Bailey always jumps up on it so some of the paint was chipping off. It felt like Christmas was coming and everything had to be in order! Well of course, as my Aunt Sue predicted on facebook, it was a Breeze!! I had a dream last night about it. The social worker showed up intoxicated, didn't ask us any real questions, and the left with a wine bottle in her hand! We were like wait, don't you want to know anything about us?  I don't know why I dreamed that, but its pretty funny.

The social worker was wonderful! She was about the same age as Dan and I, which was nice because were able to relate really well to her. There were 3 parts to the visit. 1) Joint interview, 2) separate interviews, and 3) house tour.  We did the visit in this order. She asked us pretty normal questions, how we met, why we chose adoption, etc. It was very conversational. I learned that my husband is much better at interviews then I am! If any of you know me, you know that I just love to talk and talk.  Well its alot harder when someone is interviewing you! I felt saw awkward answering why I felt like I would be a good mother, how I would describe myself, etc. This is the separate interview. It wasn't a secret, she just wanted us to be in different rooms. I did pretty well until she started asking about my relationship with my parents, especially my mother. It was painful to talk about how I was raised and the questions that went along with that. But it is a part of my history and has influenced who I am today. Our SW (social worker) was very compassionate and understanding, and frankly impressed that I turned out as well as I did. I owe thanks for that to my heavenly Father who has given me such a wonderful earthly father. I am grateful for him every day!

Dan did great job, and I was so proud to hear him speak so eloquently and be so personable. I remarked as much to him afterward, and he said, "Well, I just talked to people like I've known them forever!" I thought that was a great perspective to have! It is so special to be going through this process together, it makes me so grateful to have such an amazing husband. He puts up with alot from me, and he is very patient. It was neat to be able to talk to the SW about how we complement eachother, what makes our marriage strong.. Most people don't really talk about those things on a regular basis, but discussing it made me very thankful for the marriage we have. I really believe that God chose us for eachother. Even though I am not very into music and guitar, and Dan isn't into dance, we do have alot of common interests and are very compatible. And I am very attracted to my husband! Being married for 5 years has brought us much closer together. We've been through alot, and adoption is a very special journey!

The last step was walking through the house, making sure we have smoke detectors, how many bathrooms and bedrooms we have, etc. It took all of 5 minutes. I was imagining her checking the baseboards for dirt, but it really was nothing like that!

This last picture is the guest room that we will turn into a nursery! yay!!

So whats next? We have one more meeting in August to review the homestudy report. Once that is completed, we will be ready for adoption!! We are going to start working on our portfolio now, so that when we are approved they can immediately show it to people. She suggested making and printing an online album for several reasons. Its easier to make copies and it looks more professional. Too bad because I was looking for an excuse to scrapbook! The reason they recommend copies is so that you can show them to multiple birth mothers, and sometimes you do not get the book back. And its also nice to have a copy to keep and show to your children.

I am just so excited and ready! I was surprised by one thing. We have been reading books and preparing for a transracial adoption, but our SW told us that in South Carolina, most of the birthmothers are caucasian. The reason is because most of the time in African American families, an extended family member will come in and take care of the baby, an aunt or grandparent. This makes perfect sense. Because we are open to any race, we simply assumed we would adopt a black, hispanic or biracial child. This may not necessarily be the case. We are ok with any child! We just want to be parents and provide a loving home to a beautiful little baby!



I also wanted to say that I had a very sweet surprise visit this past Saturday from two of my best friends from high school. They were vacationing in SC and came down to visit us for the day, Christine and Andrew. They are very special to us and it was soo wonderful to see them!!!

Thank you for all your continued prayers and support! Thanks for following!

thank goodness!!

Our fingerprints passed! Whew! I was concerned about having to go back and get refingerprinted. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, read my post titled "fingerprints." We are almost done with the homestudy process, I cant believe this is all really happening. Some days, like today, I yearn so deeply for a child, I am humbled and thankful that things are moving in the direction for this to actually happen. I cant wait to be a mommy. We have a great life but there is definitely something missing! Our social work visit is NEXT WEEK! I'm nervous but excited at the same time. We had to take an online parenting assessment, and I completed mine today. It was kind of hard to do because alot of the questions had to do with how we were raised and experiences growing up. This was difficult to me, because as I have some very happy childhood memories, I also have some very painful ones. The assessment was a good reminder for the future of our children, and certain values and ways of communicating that we may or may not want to pass on as we become parents. I am grateful that I can clearly see my childhood and have learned from certain parent's mistakes. I am also grateful for the healthy side of the parenting I received, and that I was raised in a godly home, despite the hard times. Thats it for today!

Thanks for following!